I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
