Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
