Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
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