you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
