I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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