you guys were way drunker than both of me
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
