Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
