If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
