He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
