we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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