i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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