i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
