I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
