Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
