She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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