How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
