dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
The Olympian is in my bed
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
