Moan for me like Helen Keller
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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