You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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