3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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