I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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