Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
