I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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