I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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