I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
