I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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