He disabled his match.com account in front of me
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
