Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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