I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
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