He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
