its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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