dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
