Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
