oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
