I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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