you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
