He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
