I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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