If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
