Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
