True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
