then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
