I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
soo... how was my night?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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