OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
