i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
