I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
