I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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