Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
