For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
