Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I fill condoms, not promises.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
