she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just forgot I was standing up.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
